then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
