you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize