If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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