just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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