the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I CAN MOONWALK!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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