I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
