Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
