I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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