I like to think it a success when the cops are called
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
