you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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