No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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