is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
