I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
