i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
