She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
