there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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