I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize