I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
MIDGETS
????
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
