Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
