i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
