She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize