Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
