You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
