I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
