So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
