I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
