I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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