final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
PANTIES FOUND
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