i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize