I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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