Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
