There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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