Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
