Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
