she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
