I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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