No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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