just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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