I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize