also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
