Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize