i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
