it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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