I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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