how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
