Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize