he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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