I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
