i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
