I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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