I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
