I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When are your genitals available?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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