I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
