i think my tv is drunk
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
