Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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