Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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