gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
