i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
