broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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