I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
