Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
