i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
