did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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