i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize