Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
