it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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