I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
