rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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