that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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