i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
