just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
