i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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