Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
