I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
false alarm, still single
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
