Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
