Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
