Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
