just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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