She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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