It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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