Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We don't watch enough power rangers
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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