she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize