let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
