My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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