i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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