Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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