I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
