This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
