I skipped work to stalk him.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize