I think my vagina is haunted
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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