Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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