I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
