You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
