Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
