the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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