i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
