PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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