Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
