just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
