i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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