Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
