Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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