he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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