we have pet lesbian snakes
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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