if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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