he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
