I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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