This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
and eventually we just all took our pants off
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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