dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
