I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
