Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
