I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
