If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had to cum in my sink.
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