life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
