it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
