don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
